Est. 1937 — Room 402, The Kessler Bldg. Case notes on this site →

Private investigations · Discretion guaranteed by the weather

Cases the city gave up on. Wives who came back wrong. Buildings that lie. We take the ones the rain washed off the books.

Personnel file — do not duplicate

Two Desks. One Window.
No Heating After Nine.

The Bureau is two people and a filing cabinet that outweighs them both. We don't advertise. You heard about us the way everyone does — from somebody who got their answer.

Employee 01 Active

Harlan Voss

Veteran · 26 years, most of them wet

Ex–arson squad, back when the squad still asked who benefited before it asked who burned. Voss knows every night clerk, coroner's assistant, and tow-truck saint between the harbor and the viaduct. He does not believe in coincidence, hunches, or decaf.

Interrogation style: sits quietly until the silence gets expensive.

Field note (Rhee): H. keeps every closed case's key in a cigar box. Says the box is almost full. Says it like a threat to retire. Has said it for nine years.

Employee 02 Active

Isadora “Izzy” Rhee

Pattern work · hired 1949, explained never

Rhee doesn't guess. She counts. Dust shadows, ledger arithmetic, which hand a stranger holds a cigarette in. She walked into the Bureau six years ago to report a stolen bicycle and instead told Voss which of his three open cases were the same case. They were.

Does not carry a gun. Carries a notebook that several people have tried very hard to steal.

Field note (Voss): Do not play cards with her. Do not let clients play cards with her. We lost a retainer that way.

Declassified — three of one hundred and nine

The Files Keep Better
In the Dark.

Move your light across the files to read them. Hold the beam on a redacted bar and it gives up its secret — look away and it seals again. On touch: press and hold.

The case files below are visually hidden behind a darkness effect. Use the evidence lamp button above to fully light the section; the full text is present in the document for screen readers.

Arson · Closed 1951

Case No. 047 — billed: 4 days, 1 umbrella

The Clockmaker’s Alibi

They arrested Aurel Voskuijl the night the Meridian Hotel burned, because forty-one clocks in his shop had all stopped at 11:47 exactly — the minute the fire caught — and the precinct decided no honest man’s clocks grieve in unison. Voskuijl said he’d been asleep upstairs. The city said he’d built himself an alibi out of brass and gears. Nobody asked the dust.

Rhee stood in that shop for an hour and said nothing. Then she asked why the dust shadow behind every clock sat a finger-width left of its case. Someone had lifted all forty-one, wound them dead, and set them back — close, but not where twelve years of standing still had put them. Someone with a spare shop key, steady hands, and a reason to make a clockmaker look guilty.

The apprentice, Dziedzic, confessed on a Tuesday, in the rain, which is the only weather this city serves. Voskuijl walked. He fixed our office clock for free. It still runs slow, out of respect.

Disposition: client cleared · arsonist convicted · clock forgiven

Fraud · Closed 1952

Case No. 063 — billed: 9 days, 2 darkroom fees

The Woman Who Was Photographed Twice

Two photographs, both stamped 9:03 p.m., October the 14th. In the first, Mirelle Fontaine stands on the Cordova Street platform waiting for the northbound tram. In the second she is four miles away in the Regency ballroom, laughing at a joke nobody remembers telling. Same coat. Same rain in her hair. Her husband brought us both prints and a voice like a cracked bell: which one is my wife?

Voss checked the cameras, the stamps, the developers. All clean. Rhee looked for nine minutes and found it: the woman at the Regency holds her cigarette in her left hand. Mirelle was right-handed. Her sister Odile had drowned in ’39. Officially.

The drowning bought an insurance settlement; the ballroom bought an alibi for what happened later that night on Cordova Street. Both photographs were real. That was the trick, and the tragedy: nobody in them was lying except the year 1939.

Disposition: two women found · one marriage lost · file sealed at client request

Missing person · Closed 1954

Case No. 088 — billed: 6 days, 1 elevator inspection bribe (itemized as “flowers”)

The Elevator That Skipped Floors

The Halloran Building has a brass elevator older than most of its tenants, and every soul who ever rode it swore the same arithmetic: six, then eight. No seven. The directory said seven was “mechanical.” The blueprints said seven didn’t exist. The rent ledger said seven paid $85 a month, in cash, on time, for eleven years.

Then Emmett Roarke, an accountant with a nervous signature, stepped into that elevator on a Thursday and never stepped out anywhere. His wife brought us his hat. It was a good hat. It deserved better.

Voss found the night maintenance man who’d been paid to grease a door that wasn’t on any plan. Rhee found floor seven the way she finds everything — in the arithmetic: eleven years of cash rent, entered monthly by the same nervous hand. Roarke hadn’t vanished. He’d moved into the ledger he kept for the men who owned the missing floor — alive, mid-audit, and very glad to be found by us instead of them.

Disposition: accountant recovered · floor seven remains unlisted · we take the stairs

Rate card — taped inside the door since 1946

Services Rendered,
Weather Permitting. It Never Permits.

Cold cases the precinct shreddedwe keep our own copies. everyone’s copies.$80 / day + expenses
Missing persons who don’t want to stay missingthe other kind costs the same. results differ.$95 / day
Tail jobs, all-night, rain gear includedthe rain gear is a hat. the hat is non-negotiable.$60 / night
Pattern work — Rhee onlybring everything. she’ll know if you didn’t.quoted after she sees the file
Fraud: insurance, séance, matrimonial, municipalséance fraud is somehow the most honest of the four.12% of recovery
Finding out who your business partner meets on Tuesdaysflat rate. you don’t want it itemized.$150 flat

No divorce photography. No debt collection. No favors for the alderman’s office — especially not for the alderman’s office. Retainers in cash or in kind; we are two coffees and a typewriter ribbon short at all times.

They found my killer three weeks after the coroner gave up on me. I sleep better now. Well — I sleep.

— Client No. 114 · deceased, satisfied · ref. available upon séance

How to reach us — there is no other way

Leave a Message With
the Cigar Stand on 9th.

No telephone. Telephones are how they found the last one. No mail; the mailman is a lovely man and we’d like him to stay that way.

The Ritual

  1. Go to the cigar stand at 9th & Vane. It is open whenever it is raining, which is to say: it is open.
  2. Ask Ernesto for “a box of the quiet ones.” Do not buy cigars. Ernesto knows you are not there for cigars. Buying cigars insults everyone.
  3. Leave a sealed note: what happened, when it happened, and what the police said when they stopped returning your calls.
  4. Go home. Within two nights you’ll find our answer under your door, folded twice, smelling faintly of rain and typewriter ribbon.

If the note comes back unopened, we already know about your case, and the answer is no. Don’t ask Ernesto why. Ernesto sells cigars.